Feeling Restless

*This was written a few weeks ago. I’m finally publishing it now. I feel restless. My mind craves something, but I can’t pinpoint it. It’s like my brain is starving for stimulus. I want to do lots of things but I can’t quite figure out what. I’m trying some new things hoping it’ll satisfy myContinue reading “Feeling Restless”

What is this Strange Feeling?

I’ve been feeling strong. I’m feeling good! I feel amazing! I’m trying not to get too attached, but I truly enjoy each day of feeling good. I’m exercising, learning, having fun, being active, …acting normal. I’m even walking more than I have in years! I have a theory for my surprising strength and overall wellbeing.Continue reading “What is this Strange Feeling?”

Summer Nights

My last post was all about feeling exhausted and fearing a flare. I can happily say that about a week later and I’m feeling pretty good, but a bit delicate. As long as I pace myself and rest often I can function, or at least have some fun. I am just taking it day byContinue reading “Summer Nights”

Not a Happy Camper

*This post was written a week ago. I finally had time to post it today. I woke up a few days ago with a UTI and have been a mess ever since. The last few days I really struggled with my energy and have spent much of my time laying on the couch napping. TodayContinue reading “Not a Happy Camper”

Ride the Wave…

I think I’ve definitely come out of my long winter flare and I am enjoying every second of feeling (almost) normal before its over. I think I’m currently at my peak. Keep in mind that a peak for me is about 85-90%, compared to a healthy person at 100%. I won’t complain though. This stillContinue reading “Ride the Wave…”

Rebirth after a Flare

I’m happy to admit that I have been feeling pretty good lately. I finally came out of my flare about a month ago, and I’m so happy. It always feels like a rebirth. Like I woke up out of a months-long coma. This seems to be a pattern each year in the spring. I comeContinue reading “Rebirth after a Flare”

Living Life 2 hours at a Time

There’s this idea out there that if you (…or I) just think positive, then whatever is ailing us will just magically disappear. Like “have you tried not thinking about it?” or “You just need to be more positive”. As if the reason for my pain and illness is because I think about it too much.Continue reading “Living Life 2 hours at a Time”

My Not-So-Happy Birthday

Tomorrow is my 40th birthday. I have mixed feelings about this. In the last 10 years or so, my birthday brings me sadness. There wasn’t any particular event that permanently ruined my special day. I try to be happy about the celebration of another year of life, but there is always a darkness, a heavinessContinue reading “My Not-So-Happy Birthday”

It’s Time for a Change

*I apologize if this writing seems disorganized. The brain fog is real today. My chronic illness is winning. It took away my happiness and my will. I stopped pushing and trying because existing was just too hard. I gave up. Sjogren’s Syndrome had beat me. It won! Over the years, I’d slowly stopped doing thingsContinue reading “It’s Time for a Change”

Consumed by Self Loathing

I decided today to make a list of the things I like about everyone in my family. I made a nice long list for each of my kids and my husband. I listed all the things I love and find special about each of them. It made me smile to think of all the waysContinue reading “Consumed by Self Loathing”