Tag: depression
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Confused
Today is a better day. A stark contrast from 2 days ago. The sun came out and I can see goodness, although my view of the world is still a bit skewed. My depression is still lingering but it is much lighter today. Dare I say I’m on the upswing. I did finally reach out […]
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Spiraling
I feel like I’m on the verge of a mental breakdown. My thoughts are spiraling out of control again. Negative thoughts. Ugly thoughts. Wondering who I really am. Feeling lost. Confused. Not sure who I am. Did I ever know who I was? When I was a teenager I was blissfully unaware of life and […]
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Wednesday Morning Thoughts
It’s 12:14 pm on Wednesday as I’m sitting at the kitchen table eating my breakfast. I’m enjoying a bacon and egg sandwich with my cup of tea. Chopin’s Nocturne No 1 in B Flat Minor plays around me. One of my favorites! I like to listen to classical music as I begin my day. It […]
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Focus Inward
In light of my most recent discovery about myself, I’ve been reevaluating myself and my social interactions. I’ve spent my whole life trying to be social and have friends while always wondered what was wrong with me that I couldn’t do it like everybody else. I could never understand why it took so much effort […]
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When There is No One
I read a lot of motivational quotes and sayings about general positivity, mindfulness, etc. One thing that I often see is about the importance of having a loving and supportive circle of friends. How having friends can help me to live a longer, healthier, more fulfilled life. I hear people discuss how they’d be lost […]
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I am Only Human
Yesterday I was sitting on my lounger next to the pool watching my 6 year old son and my 5 year old nephew swim together… I’m amused by their imagination as they make up random scenarios to act out together. It is early September and the weather is very mild. It is a comfortable […]
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Not a Happy Camper
*This post was written a week ago. I finally had time to post it today. I woke up a few days ago with a UTI and have been a mess ever since. The last few days I really struggled with my energy and have spent much of my time laying on the couch napping. Today […]
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Rebirth after a Flare
I’m happy to admit that I have been feeling pretty good lately. I finally came out of my flare about a month ago, and I’m so happy. It always feels like a rebirth. Like I woke up out of a months-long coma. This seems to be a pattern each year in the spring. I come […]
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Living Life 2 hours at a Time
There’s this idea out there that if you (…or I) just think positive, then whatever is ailing us will just magically disappear. Like “have you tried not thinking about it?” or “You just need to be more positive”. As if the reason for my pain and illness is because I think about it too much. […]
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My Not-So-Happy Birthday
Tomorrow is my 40th birthday. I have mixed feelings about this. In the last 10 years or so, my birthday brings me sadness. There wasn’t any particular event that permanently ruined my special day. I try to be happy about the celebration of another year of life, but there is always a darkness, a heaviness […]
Surviving As Mom 