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Confused
Today is a better day. A stark contrast from 2 days ago. The sun came out and I can see goodness, although my view of the world is still a bit skewed. My depression is still lingering but it is much lighter today. Dare I say I’m on the upswing. I did finally reach out…
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Spiraling
I feel like I’m on the verge of a mental breakdown. My thoughts are spiraling out of control again. Negative thoughts. Ugly thoughts. Wondering who I really am. Feeling lost. Confused. Not sure who I am. Did I ever know who I was? When I was a teenager I was blissfully unaware of life and…
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Same Old Story
Today is day seven of total exhaustion. After breakfast I lay down on the couch and I sleep very deeply for about four hours until my kids come home from school. Then I try my absolute hardest to wake myself up out of a coma-like state to be functional for my children. Even then I’m…
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I Have No More Fight Left
I fought for a long time. I fought to be equal. I fought for respect. I fought to survive. I fought for success and to keep moving forward. I was full of fight. Everyday, for most of my life. I fought as hard as I could. Starting in elementary school, I fought to get through…
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Wednesday Morning Thoughts
It’s 12:14 pm on Wednesday as I’m sitting at the kitchen table eating my breakfast. I’m enjoying a bacon and egg sandwich with my cup of tea. Chopin’s Nocturne No 1 in B Flat Minor plays around me. One of my favorites! I like to listen to classical music as I begin my day. It…
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Dec 28, 2021
Today is 3 days past Christmas and my house has officially been restored to non-holiday status. Its nice to see everything put away and the clutter removed, but now my house looks sterile and empty. Maybe tomorrow I’ll bring out some stuff from storage and do some simple non-holiday decorating again. In February I’ll decorate…
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Focus Inward
In light of my most recent discovery about myself (being on the autism spectrum), I’ve been reevaluating myself and my social interactions. I’ve spent my whole life trying to be social and have friends while always wondered what was wrong with me that I couldn’t do it like everybody else. I could never understand why…
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A Life of Confusion…
At 40 years old I’ve discovered that I have Autism. There, I said it! I feel ridiculous saying it at all. But it is the truth. It has been my truth all along but I never knew it. This explains why I’ve always had so many problems with myself and why I’ve hated myself for…
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When There is No One
I read a lot of motivational quotes and sayings about general positivity, mindfulness, etc. One thing that I often see is about the importance of having a loving and supportive circle of friends. How having friends can help me to live a longer, healthier, more fulfilled life. I hear people discuss how they’d be lost…
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Trying to Live Life
It’s 8:23 PM on a Sunday. I’m sitting here eating one of my favorite “healthy” snacks which is apple slices dipped in caramel sauce with crumbled pecans. This has been one of my favorite desserts lately. Last week was busy. Hockey game in the city on Monday, errands everyday in between, concert in the city…
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Surviving As Mom 