Surviving As Mom

Today is 3 days past Christmas and my house has officially been restored to non-holiday status. Its nice to see everything put away and the clutter removed, but now my house looks sterile and empty. Maybe tomorrow I’ll bring out some stuff from storage and do some simple non-holiday decorating again. In February I’ll decorate for Valentine’s Day. I’ll just keep January simple so the transition is easy.

I need to change things up often. I get bored of looking at the same thing all the time so I’m always making little changes. Moving things around and switching things out often keeps it fresh for me. It brings a little bit of excitement to my days. I especially need to do this when I’m stuck at home all the time. Looking at the same things all day every day for too long makes me crazy!

I seem to have entered into my winter hibernation mode. When it gets below 60F outside I start spending more time hiding in my house. The cold also aggravates my body. I get more tired and achy so its just easier not to leave my house. At this point I’m still going out about once a week for various shopping and appointments. Not much else beyond that. As it gets colder, I’ll stop going to stores altogether. Thankfully there are grocery delivery services available now! They are a lifesaver for me when I become housebound. I will often go for weeks without leaving my property. A few times I’ve actually gone months without going to any stores at all. I’d only leave for Dr. appointments. I just do what my body demands. I am a slave to my ailing body. My mind screams to do something…ANYTHING!! But my body says Nope! My body beats me into submission and I give up until the storm passes.

As of this post I haven’t been feeling too bad at this point in the year. I’ve noticed that I’m slowing down a bit. I need to take more breaks and rest often. I’ve only needed a few naps in the past few weeks, which I consider pretty good. I’m not feeling too sick and disabled right now, but there have been a few days when I did. I”m thankful its not every day. I’ve been a little more achy, but its been manageable. I’m thankful to feel this way. I know it will get worse very soon as it gets colder. I’m ok though.

I try to keep my mind busy and get something accomplished each day. Even if its just getting all the laundry done or cooking a nice dinner. I celebrate small victories. I’ve been reading again and practicing playing the piano whenever I can. I don’t watch tv at all during the day so I have plenty of time to do these things. I only watch something at night with my husband. Right now we have been getting through “Dexter”. We just started season 3, and I’m really enjoying it so far. If I’m feeling really bad and can’t move much, I watch science documentaries. Otherwise, I don’t watch any tv.

Anyway, I’ve been trying to keep busy as much as my body will allow. I’ve been organizing a lot. I don’t love the work, but I love the result. My mind is so much calmer when I see organization. Clutter and chaos stresses me out in the worst way. I love order!

I’ve been doing some painting on the days when I feel good. My kids have been asking to paint their rooms since we moved in over a year ago. Earlier in the month I painted the game room and one bedroom. I’m hoping to paint the next bedroom this week. I have so many rooms to paint still. I’m not looking forward to it at all. I don’t love painting, but I love the result. I love to see change.

I feel very restless and anxious a lot. Like I have something important to do. I’ve been doing different things to try to satisfy it, but the feeling is still there. The best thing is to just keep busy and make progress with something. My body fights it. My mind wants to fly but my body drags me down. It’s a constant battle of Mind vs body. But life goes on.

I’d love to go outside and look up at the night sky but its too cloudy tonight. I’ll try again tomorrow. For now, I think I’ll eat some cookies and go take a nice bath. The kids are all occupied after dinner so this is a good time to relax. Evenings are peaceful.