Trying to Live Life

It’s 8:23 PM on a Sunday. I’m sitting here eating one of my favorite “healthy” snacks which is apple slices dipped in caramel sauce with crumbled pecans. This has been one of my favorite desserts lately.

Last week was busy. Hockey game in the city on Monday, errands everyday in between, concert in the city Friday. Saturday was Friendsgiving and Sunday was a visit from my in-laws. During the week, I managed to take an hour to enjoy a beautiful nature trail just down the road from me. It’s a short trail so I took a chance, and was able to walk it. Oh how I love nature! While I completely enjoyed all of these activities I am very worn out at this point. I’ve been running on full throttle for a while now and I think it’s beginning to catch up to me. The last few days I’ve struggled with getting up in the morning and feeling horrible. I can feel myself getting weaker each day.

I know I’m due for a flare because it usually happens at this time of year when the weather starts getting colder. I also recently came off of prednisone which always messes with my body. It’s a delicate game I play. Live life and have fun, then pay the consequences of such activities. I don’t care anymore. I’ve wasted 10+ years of my life hiding in my home, stuck on the couch because I was too sick and too afraid of getting worse. 10 years!! My entire 30’s was wasted! I’m now almost 41 and I want to live life like a normal person. I know I’ll never be normal, but I can still try a little harder to do something… anything! I want my kids to have happy memories of doing things together as a family. I don’t want to just be the sick mom who wasted away at home while life went on around her. I hope my kids can understand one day how hard I am trying to be a fun, brave, adventurous person. Not just someone who gives up so easily.

This coming week will be relatively calm so I’ll use that time to recover. Hopefully its enough. I fear that the way I’m feeling will be my normal for the next few months. It usually happens this time of year. Cold is not my friend. I will try my hardest to continue to live life in some capacity.

I keep repeating to myself… “just keep going”.

Published by Meredith Gallie

My name is Meredith. I’m a mother of 4 boys living in NY on Long Island. I suffer from a chronic illness called Sjogren’s Syndrome. It is a debilitating autoimmune disease which has wreaked havoc on my body, causing me to become disabled and mostly housebound. Each day for me is about survival and caring for my children. My older boys are twins, one of which has autism. These are challenges that I must try to overcome each day, but I am thankful for my family. I’m thankful to have a loving husband who is able to help and provide a comfortable life for us. We are thankful for his hard work and dedication. I’m not a writer by any means, but I wanted to make this blog as an outlet for all the noise in my head, as well as something to focus on to keep my brain from melting into a pile of mush. I also hope my thoughts and experiences will help others out there with similar struggles. Some of my posts will be like a public diary, some will be advice and inspiration. Some posts will be dark and sad, some will be uplifting and inspiring. I’m just going to write according to whatever mood I’m feeling at the time. It’s a bumpy ride, but hopefully you find it helpful or entertaining. Enjoy!

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