What is this Strange Feeling?

I’ve been feeling strong. I’m feeling good! I feel amazing! I’m trying not to get too attached, but I truly enjoy each day of feeling good. I’m exercising, learning, having fun, being active, …acting normal. I’m even walking more than I have in years! I have a theory for my surprising strength and overall wellbeing. I’ve been taking Meloxicam for about 3 months now and I can only assume it is contributing to my overall good feeling. It is an NSAID (non-steroidal anti-inflammatory) so maybe its doing just enough to keep my immune system under control. Whatever it is, I’ll take it!! I’ve also been taking good quality probiotics. This is on top of eating healthy, exercise, as well as a healthy mindset overall. I love feeling this good!

It’s like I’m in a dream. I wake up in the morning feeling pretty good and ready to tackle the day. I’m strong, energetic, and motivated. It is a strange feeling. I’m so used to having low expectations, giving myself frequent breaks (which I still do some days) and limiting my activity in general, but I haven’t had to. I almost feel like a normal person. It feels fake. I feel like an imposter. Am I a disabled, chronically ill person or am I a normal, functioning human being. It’s like I’m stuck in limbo. I can’t make any long term plans or goals. I can’t get a job, or go back to school, or do anything that requires a long term commitment because it can all just come crashing down at anytime. I WANT to do these things and I get excited to dream about maybe doing something one day, but then I have to remind myself that I am not capable of anything long term. I still hesitate to make any plans in general. I get excited for a plan, then I have to pull back my excitement and remember who I really am. It’s a very confusing way to exist.

I’m trying to figure out how to get the most out of my life while still being cautious and realistic. It’s strange to have no real goals. Goals are what keep us motivated. I get motivated to do something, then I’m crushed when I can’t follow through and I feel empty again. How does one live a life with no goals to look forward to and work for. It leaves me just floating through each day, simply existing. This isn’t always terrible, but it is a very strange thing. Kind of like I’m a lost soul trying to find my way. I’m trying to find a balance.

Right now I am strong! I am happy. I am (sort of) healthy. I will enjoy today.

Published by Meredith Gallie

My name is Meredith. I’m a mother of 4 boys living in NY on Long Island. I suffer from a chronic illness called Sjogren’s Syndrome. It is a debilitating autoimmune disease which has wreaked havoc on my body, causing me to become disabled and mostly housebound. Each day for me is about survival and caring for my children. My older boys are twins, one of which has autism. These are challenges that I must try to overcome each day, but I am thankful for my family. I’m thankful to have a loving husband who is able to help and provide a comfortable life for us. We are thankful for his hard work and dedication. I’m not a writer by any means, but I wanted to make this blog as an outlet for all the noise in my head, as well as something to focus on to keep my brain from melting into a pile of mush. I also hope my thoughts and experiences will help others out there with similar struggles. Some of my posts will be like a public diary, some will be advice and inspiration. Some posts will be dark and sad, some will be uplifting and inspiring. I’m just going to write according to whatever mood I’m feeling at the time. It’s a bumpy ride, but hopefully you find it helpful or entertaining. Enjoy!

8 thoughts on “What is this Strange Feeling?

  1. That’s wonderful Meredith! I can tell just by your pictures how good you feel. You look healthier and full of life. Enjoy! ☺️

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  2. Ya know, God’s children are screaming, mourning and dying. The WORLD is suffering in this Pandemic. Devistating fires and deathly heat waves. And you go on for miles Meredith all about YOU. Yes, this is your blog, but for heaven’s sake you do not acknowledge any of these horrors. Ever. And this is coming from a fellow Autoimmune sufferer of over 12 years. Every now and then I would see one of your videos on YouTube and it did make me feel like ,”Wow, I’m not the only one out there”. I am very happy for you. Truly. You can block me if you like. I usually don’t post comments on blogs, but this was just too much me me me. Have you ever been told you’re a Narcisist?

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    1. I’m sorry you are so offended by my words. I am far from a narcissist. Trust me. I am only this “selfish” in my videos and blog because it is the only outlet for my thoughts good or bad. I don’t share my thoughts with anyone around me. Most people don’t kNow I think the way I do. My blog is a place to purge my thoughts and feelings like a diary. I do feel for everyone else who is suffering but I can’t do anything about them. I can only do me. I live in my own head and this is just a peek inside. I don’t have a therapist so This is therapeutic for me. You can feel free to stop following me if you have so much I anger for me.

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  3. I’m sorry you fe so offended by my words. I am far from a narcissist. Trust me. I am only this “selfish” in my videos and blog because it is the only outlet for my thoughts good or bad. I don’t share my thoughts with anyone around me. Most people don’t k
    Now I think the way I do. My blog is a place to purge my thoughts and feelings. I do feel for everyone else who is suffering but I can’t do anything about them. I live in my own head and this is just a peek inside. I don’t have a therapist so This is therapeutic for me. You can feel free to stop following me if you have so much I anger for me.

    Liked by 1 person

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