Surviving As Mom

Today is day seven of total exhaustion. After breakfast I lay down on the couch and I sleep very deeply for about four hours until my kids come home from school. Then I try my absolute hardest to wake myself up out of a coma-like state to be functional for my children. Even then I’m just a zombie version of myself.

I got my first cold about 3 weeks ago for the first time in over two years and that was enough to throw my body into a flare. I noticed that I have been slowing down somewhat over a few weeks leading up to this, but this cold hit me very hard. I’m really struggling each day just to function and I don’t even leave the house anymore.

I can feel it as soon as I wake up in the morning how hard it’s going to be. I’m using every ounce of my strength just to move my body around and get the kids ready for school and it hurts.

Right now the exhaustion is by far the worst part but I am feeling some more pain than usual and I’m feeling a bit sick.

I really shouldn’t complain because I’ve had a really nice stretch a feeling good, which I am very thankful for. The problem is I was getting a little too used to it and almost considering the fact that maybe I wouldn’t get sick again. I can dream…

I’m very hopeful that this will be a short-lived flare but I am prepared for the possibility that it could last weeks or months.

It really stinks because while I’ve been feeling so good. I’ve been getting a lot of things done. I’ve been going out shopping, painting my house, even exercising a little bit. I was very much enjoying being almost normal.

Now my anxiety is getting worse about leaving the house altogether. Right now I’m only leaving for appointments or things with the school or if I absolutely have to go out to a store for something. Then there are the occasional events that were planned when i was feeling good, like concerts and hockey games. I’m now dreading doing anything, especially the fun things that I’d normally look forward to.

Right now I’m just in survival mode just trying to do the bare minimum for my family, but it is definitely a struggle.

The other part of all this is my hair is falling out again. I’ve been trying for over two years to grow it out so I could have long hair again which I haven’t had in about 10 years. But I’m watching it come out in clumps when I wash or brush it. I was so hopeful because my hair grew in so nicely after the last time. It was thick, full, and healthy. Now I’m just watching it all fall out everywhere. I feel so deflated.

Luckily it doesn’t look too bad yet, but I recognize the pattern and I know it’s coming so I’m trying to get used to my wings again because I see that in my future. I have my moments where I cry about it, but it is what it is. I just have to deal with it.